I've always been the one to leave, long before moving abroad since I've written many different chapters. I've lived in so many places for a few years at a time that it changes what friendship looks like. The good ones stay in your heart even when geography separates you and you can pick back up as though no time has passed. That said, making friends in a foreign country where the language (yes, even in London) and culture are entirely new is a horse of a different color!!
This is something I struggle with a lot. I totally get the Londoner. But I'm also with you on the fact that I can't just ignore people because my time here is limited.
However, now that I'm not an expat anymore but a nomad who moves a lot and often, I'm in the opposite situation where I don't bother trying to meet people where I am because I know I'll move alone in X weeks.
I know it's wrong, I know I should make an effort, but I just don't. Strange.
That's understandable! Maybe you'll find that you want to start making friends after a while in your nomad era, but I also think it's ok to just focus on your exploration if that's interesting. Forced friendship doesn't really feel good.
100%. I’m also at a point when I want real connections, not superficial small talk things. There is a chapter for everything… this one will come when I need it 😊
I’ve lived all over the U.S., so I’ve gotten used to friendships being a bit transient, people come, I go, life happens. And I’ve always believed that if someone wants to stay in touch, they will.
Now, as an expat in France, I’m not exactly shocked by who’s kept in touch and who hasn’t. What has surprised me, though, is how hard it is to make new friends here. Not because I might leave someday, but because… well, it’s hard to build real connections when half the time I’m fumbling for the right words or trying to keep up in French.
At the end of the day, good friendships take work no matter the continent. And the ones that last? They’re the ones that weather time zones, language gaps, and long silences.
Hi Cara. I agree making friends is indeed a challenge. No adult playground for us to go play kickball. lol. I don’t know if your area has AVF but it’s been a HUGE help for us. You’ll meet French and expat locals in that group doing so many fun activities and language exchanges. The other thing that works for us and is a big unique to our situation is that we have a 5 year old in French school so we get invited to the bday parties and and have even got home invites which I know is rare given parents don’t want to deal with the struggles of communication. Some however do and want to practice English. Maybe a local school volunteer work could help? Or you could volunteer at the local food bank which was recommended to us as well as the humane society. All that puts you in situations to use French a little and make friends. Otherwise I think it’s just the tried and true go do the things you love to do and others will be doing it too. :)
I come from the point of view that with friendship like any serious relationship, there’s never a guarantee that people will stay in the same place for a long time anyway. Since moving to Spain I’d rather open myself up to meeting cool people whether or not they are immigrants or Spanish or whatever. Any good friendship takes time and effort so I’m happy when I make genuine connections.
This is so accurate. I lived in Bangkok, a very transient city. Having my heart broken time after time became one of my main reasons for leaving the city. And I'm not talking about with lovers, but with the deep, family-like friendships that you make living abroad. I had never known such heartache before, because up until that point, I had always been the one leaving.
This is THE sweetest thing I’ve ever read!!! I miss you so much too, mama, and feel the very same. Over the moon to have had our robust friendship (even if our time in the same city was short lived) and all the coffee / stroll dates in the most romantic city in the world ;). Friendship lovebirds. Xx
I completely agree — whether it’s been a week, a year, or just the time we've shared, I’ve never regretted opening my heart to a fellow expat.
I've always been the one to leave, long before moving abroad since I've written many different chapters. I've lived in so many places for a few years at a time that it changes what friendship looks like. The good ones stay in your heart even when geography separates you and you can pick back up as though no time has passed. That said, making friends in a foreign country where the language (yes, even in London) and culture are entirely new is a horse of a different color!!
This is something I struggle with a lot. I totally get the Londoner. But I'm also with you on the fact that I can't just ignore people because my time here is limited.
However, now that I'm not an expat anymore but a nomad who moves a lot and often, I'm in the opposite situation where I don't bother trying to meet people where I am because I know I'll move alone in X weeks.
I know it's wrong, I know I should make an effort, but I just don't. Strange.
That's understandable! Maybe you'll find that you want to start making friends after a while in your nomad era, but I also think it's ok to just focus on your exploration if that's interesting. Forced friendship doesn't really feel good.
100%. I’m also at a point when I want real connections, not superficial small talk things. There is a chapter for everything… this one will come when I need it 😊
Oh i love this, I just wrote about the expat experience too - it’s a wild ol ride!
I’ve lived all over the U.S., so I’ve gotten used to friendships being a bit transient, people come, I go, life happens. And I’ve always believed that if someone wants to stay in touch, they will.
Now, as an expat in France, I’m not exactly shocked by who’s kept in touch and who hasn’t. What has surprised me, though, is how hard it is to make new friends here. Not because I might leave someday, but because… well, it’s hard to build real connections when half the time I’m fumbling for the right words or trying to keep up in French.
At the end of the day, good friendships take work no matter the continent. And the ones that last? They’re the ones that weather time zones, language gaps, and long silences.
Making friends is so hard. I've focused on expat friends since moving to France, since my French skills aren't quite there yet. I would love to start making French friends though. Have you found anything that works? This is my list of things that have worked so far https://open.substack.com/pub/caradole/p/how-to-make-friends?r=9vwa5&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Hi Cara. I agree making friends is indeed a challenge. No adult playground for us to go play kickball. lol. I don’t know if your area has AVF but it’s been a HUGE help for us. You’ll meet French and expat locals in that group doing so many fun activities and language exchanges. The other thing that works for us and is a big unique to our situation is that we have a 5 year old in French school so we get invited to the bday parties and and have even got home invites which I know is rare given parents don’t want to deal with the struggles of communication. Some however do and want to practice English. Maybe a local school volunteer work could help? Or you could volunteer at the local food bank which was recommended to us as well as the humane society. All that puts you in situations to use French a little and make friends. Otherwise I think it’s just the tried and true go do the things you love to do and others will be doing it too. :)
I come from the point of view that with friendship like any serious relationship, there’s never a guarantee that people will stay in the same place for a long time anyway. Since moving to Spain I’d rather open myself up to meeting cool people whether or not they are immigrants or Spanish or whatever. Any good friendship takes time and effort so I’m happy when I make genuine connections.
This is so accurate. I lived in Bangkok, a very transient city. Having my heart broken time after time became one of my main reasons for leaving the city. And I'm not talking about with lovers, but with the deep, family-like friendships that you make living abroad. I had never known such heartache before, because up until that point, I had always been the one leaving.
This is THE sweetest thing I’ve ever read!!! I miss you so much too, mama, and feel the very same. Over the moon to have had our robust friendship (even if our time in the same city was short lived) and all the coffee / stroll dates in the most romantic city in the world ;). Friendship lovebirds. Xx
💖