America Things

Nothing says "Welcome, home!" like tumble dryers and litigation

I’m visiting family in the US this week for the Fourth of July, and I’ve noticed a handful of standout differences between America and the places I’ve lived over the past several years. I’m not talking about the typical things like car culture (hard for me to adjust to) or seeing family (the best). Here are some small and not-so-small things that have struck me this week as distinctly American, for better or for worse.

For better: tumble dryers, snacks, and summer foods

Tumble dryers. I dearly miss tumble dryers. Whether in London, or Tokyo, or Paris, the lack of a tumble dryer and the minuscule size of our washers means we have had laundry week, not laundry day, for the better part of a decade. So yes, when you do the math, that means you are literally always doing laundry. But back here, I can do in a few hours what would usually take a few days. And there’s nothing as comforting as holding warm towels fresh out of the dryer.

Options for every dietary restriction. Gluten-free bread that actually tastes like bread, more than one vegetarian dish at a restaurant, very clearly marked allergens. Having dietary restrictions or allergies is really tough to navigate in a lot of countries, and it’s something that is pretty manageable here. I love Europe for the fresh food and for how easy it is to avoid ultra-processed food, but man, snack foods here are great, no matter what dietary limits you have.

Crabs and corn on the cob. A bushel of crabs on a newspaper-lined table, overlooking the Chesapeake Bay, with a side of fresh corn on the cob? Summer gold.

For neutral: flip flops and flags

Flip flops. Flip flops are not city footwear, and it’s nice to slip on a pair without worrying about disgusting street feet and tracking in residue from the filth of city sidewalks. That said, while this is a plus, there’s a definite downside, and that’s seeing other people’s feet everywhere you go.

Flags. There are American flags everywhere on a normal day here, but at the beginning of July they exponentially multiply. You don’t see country flags apart from government buildings or maybe hotels abroad, so they really stand out when you’ve been away for a while.

For worse: drinks bottles, excessive charges, and litigation

Plastic drinks tops. When I got in the car after a 7 hour flight with a toddler who refused to sleep, I was very dazed, and then I was extra confused when I opened my water and ended up with a cap in one hand and the bottle in the other. I had forgotten that the caps that stay attached to your bottle are a French thing, and it felt like I had flown back from the future and I needed to relearn skills from olden times.

Up-charges for everything. Dulles airport charges $6 to get a luggage cart at baggage claim. At CDG, they’re free to use on both sides of security. Leave it to America to make something a transaction when it could just be a service available to help people. I religiously return shopping carts when I’m done with them, but I left that sucker in the parking lot as a gift to some other harried traveler.

Litigation. This is simultaneously the most ridiculous and most serious one. I had forgotten how everything can be a lawsuit in America. From coffee cups printed with “Caution: Hot!” to the Trader Joe’s cat-shaped cookies that need a “for people” label, there’s an underlying cover-your-ass theme because everything could be turned into a lawsuit here.

Including adult swim.

My parents belong to the neighborhood pool. It’s simple, and reminds me of the pools when I was a kid. There’s a small cinderblock building at the front that houses the check-in table, lifeguard office, and changing rooms/bathrooms. Swim team photos and local announcements line the walls. There’s an enclosed baby pool to the left and a big pool to the right, with swim lanes, a diving well, and a big swim area. Oh and the best part: this pool looks directly out onto the Chesapeake Bay. It’s like the Sandlot meets Santorini.

Like almost all American pools, there’s an “adult swim” every hour for fifteen minutes. This is when the lifeguards get a break, adults can swim laps without worrying about bumping into a rogue child, and kids get a forced period to rest, eat, and reapply sunscreen.

It’s a very civilized, logical rule that helps everyone.

Unless you’re the one specific parent from this pool who complained that adult swim is age discrimination…against children. They said if the pool didn’t change the policy, they would litigate. So the lifeguard company’s solution? Instead of adult swim for 15 minutes every hour, no one can swim for those 15 minutes.

America, for people and cats.

Apparently if their kid can’t play, no one can play.

None of the other countries I’ve lived have been so quick to jump to lawsuits as a solution. It’s a distinctly American thing, for better or for worse.

So maybe like Trader Joe’s, just as Cats Cookies aren’t for cats, Adult Swim is no longer for adults.

Happy Birthday, America.